Redrum
by Yoshimitsu's Disciple
Summary: The story of the murder of Ino told in reverse chronological order. Please leave reviews.
1. The Final Chapter

If anyone has seen the movie Memento, you'll see where I'm going with this story. It's basically told in the same style as the movie, minus the black and white parts. Anyways, this is my second fanfic so far, after my Soul Calibur fic. Please review on the writing, and I hope you enjoy it.

**Chapter 1: The Final Chapter**

Baiken still couldn't remember anything after the incident, what with that damn bump on her head. The short-term memory loss kept kicking in and again she couldn't remember what she was doing on the side of the abandoned highway at midnight, holding a shovel and staring into a hole in the dirt. She couldn't fathom what she could possibly be doing with this tool.

She tilted her head upwards with a crick in her neck. Twisting her head around in a counterclockwise circle and listening to the cracking sounds, she saw a few more figures with shovels surrounding the hole. There was that cop. The holy cop. Whatever he was called, the guy with the sword that shot lightning and stuff. She saw the sword at his side and his shovel in his right hand, which he immediately dropped to the ground. Baiken watched him exhale and hike over to a large black van with the headlights pointed towards the hole, so that it would be visible in the pitch black of the night.

She squinted and saw another silhouette drop a shovel with his right hand while holding something in his mouth with his left hand and walking alongside the cop in white. He coughed with an aging voice that could only belong to the nightwalker. As she squinted even more she noticed a pair of extremely long legs descend from the back of the van and set themselves in the dust. A large hand adjusted a paper bag atop an oversized head while reaching into the back of the vehicle with the other two. The demon doctor, obviously. Baiken sighed. The realization that she was working with these people triggered another tobacco craving.

She reached into her kimono, pulled out her pipe and gripped it between her teeth, then pulled a match out which she struck against its box. She lit her pipe while watching the three fools struggle with whatever they were carrying out of the van.

She heard another cough, this time from a few feet to her side. She turned her head and saw the owner of that restaurant she always goes to, standing next to a pile of displaced dirt with her shovel still in hand, firmly planted in the ground. She seemed to be waiting with Baiken for whatever the other three in the van were hauling out.

Baiken watched patiently as the nightwalker and the cop retraced their steps to the hole again, this time carrying two ends of a rather large and heavy object which sagged the more they walked closer together. They reached the hole and clumsily dropped their load in. Baiken continued to watch and saw that the load was a human body, a very special one, actually. Her eye widened when she recognized it. It was that witch with the guitar, the one that worked for That Man. Her red clothes were stained an even deeper color of red with her own blood, which spread all over the corpse from the area between her chest and her neck. Her demonic hat was crushed and slipping off her head as she tumbled deeper into the crevice. Baiken half smiled. She was glad that witch was finally among the deceased.

Immediately after the remains reached the bottom, the cook pressed her shovel into the pile of dirt and began to refill the hole. Baiken watched the dirt fall on top of the witch's head and she sort of snickered to herself. She picked her own shovel back up and proceeded to help with the refilling job.

The nightwalker and the cop stood there, brushing their hands off on their pants and cloaks. The demon doctor finally shuffled out of the van, grasping a shovel which appeared much more miniscule than it actually was due to his enormous height. His shoulders towered over his slouching head as he awkwardly walked with his giant legs until he reached the dirt pile and crouched down to average height, assisting Baiken and the cook.

"It appears this adventure is finally over, would you agree?" the nightwalker said, smoking his pipe with his left hand in his pocket. "Or perhaps, this adventure has only begun?"

The holy cop stared at him blankly. "What?"

"Perhaps this adventure is only a story told in reverse chronological order by an amateur author, in which the final chapter of this story will be the start of our tale and vice versa. Wouldn't you agree?"

The police officer lifted an eyebrow as the nightwalker smoked away. "May I ask what's in that pipe you're smoking? Because I have a feeling that it's not legal."

"No, you may not ask. I shall continue to keep my smoking material secret from the officers of the law," the nightwalker's eyes began to drift.

"I know that smell! Give me your pipe or I'll place you under arrest!"

"You'll never catch me copper!" the old nightwalker shouted while running in the opposite direction and fading away from view.


	2. Funeral Preparations

Disclaimer: I don't own Pepsi or Twix.

**Chapter 2: Funeral Preparations**

_My head…_

Again, Baiken couldn't remember what had happened before five seconds ago. She could still remember going to bed two nights previous and most everything before that, but nothing else. She found herself in the passenger seat of a dark, unmoving van, sitting next to Faust, the demon doctor in the driver's seat, looking straight ahead through the eyehole of his paper bag with knees extended up to his chest and his fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel at eight o' clock and twelve o' clock. He obviously failed his driver's ed class.

She pressed her thumb and index finger against her temples to quell the pain in her brain. Hey, that rhymes! "Your hands are supposed to be at ten and two."

Faust spoke from behind his paper bag, "You've said that three times to me before and I still don't know what you're referring to!"

The back door of the van suddenly sprung open and two panicking figures rushed up to the opening. Baiken's hands still pressed against her aching head, so she couldn't see what was going on, but she felt something relatively heavy push down against the back of the van before the other two figures, as well as one that was concealed behind the back door, pulled themselves into the vehicle alongside their cargo. As soon as she heard the back door close, Faust slammed on the gas pedal with both feet, which were somehow twisted around each other in a very strange position.

Police sirens rang out a few miles away, and seemed to get increasingly louder. Baiken could sense the three figures in back panicking more and more, but mostly due to the fact that they were kicking the backs of the two front seats so that her and Faust's heads slammed against the dashboard repeatedly. Baiken was ready to kill whoever was in the back for adding fuel to the fire of her headache.

The van raced down a familiar road, tilting dangerously with each tight curve. A police car turned a corner in the rear view mirror, sirens blaring louder than ever. The reversed image of the car stayed at the same size as Faust pushed all the way down on the gas pedal, hands shaking. He couldn't shake the tail.

"That's it!" He screamed, slamming on the brakes and sending Baiken's face into the windshield. He kicked open the driver door, whipped his scalpel from a concealed hole inside the back of his seat and leapt into the street, shrieking "Come n' get me, coppa's!"

"What the hell are you doing?!" another panicked voice from behind shouted. Faust hesitated, then, hunched over, retreated to the van. As soon as he pulled the door shut, the police car hurled past the vehicle, missing by inches, and exploded upon speeding into a fireworks factory. Much to the dismay of many, no fireworks were triggered.

"Sorry people," Faust stammered. "I keep thinking I'm playing Grand Theft Bus."

A young man's voice from behind responded, "Don't you mean Grand Theft Au-"

"Don't finish that! We can't afford to put another disclaimer at the top like we have been for the last ten chapters! That game company will sue us like everyone else has!"

"Huh?"

Faust took a bite of his Twix bar and washed it down with a sip of his delicious diet cherry Pepsi. He sped down an abandoned freeway, where the police sirens quickly faded away from earshot. He parked on the dirt terrain, headlights pointed to a totally empty area. All but Baiken exited the van. Everyone still failed to explain to her what they were doing there, and what the cargo in back was. Well, since no one was around, she decided to see for herself. She unbuckled her seat belt and pulled herself into the back. She immediately recognized what they were carrying.

It was a corpse. The corpse of That Man's servant, I-no, stinking with decay. Baiken slouched against the back of her seat, smirking. That witch was finally dead. After months of tracking her down, That Man's closest ally was finished. Her lifelong mission was just made easier.

Outside she heard the sounds of metal scraping against the earth. Baiken would gladly help bury the remains. Gladly.


	3. Theft

**Chapter 3: Theft**

There were three knocks at the door. The first sounded louder than the other two, but Baiken felt all three knocks rush through her ears and dig away at her brain with dull fingernails just as well. She sat up from her bed, cringing from her aching head, then got an odd feeling of displacement. She didn't recognize the blue carpet under her sandals, nor did she recognize the quilt she had been laying on. However she did immediately recognize the half-assed painting of two muscular men frolicking through a field of flowers with butterflies floating about.

Oh great. I'm in Anji's house.

Baiken had told him several times not to make any more paintings like that one, as they always looked mediocre. All his paintings lacked the correct colors, and what colors were there looked like they were done in crayon. She had also warned him under penalty of castration not to make a painting of her, since she refused to have her face defiled by some amateur artist that puts the eyes too far into the forehead. But now onto the more important question: why was she in Anji's house and not in her own?

Three more knocks entered her ears and she cringed just as before. With unusually sore legs, she pushed herself off the bed, and nearly slipped on a piece of paper lying on the floor. She plucked it off the ground and read the word 'search' written on it in her own handwriting. _Whatever_. She tossed the note aside and proceeded to the front door, praying that it was not Anji at the door and if he was in the house that he wouldn't hear her. She ever so slowly pulled the door open, peeking through the crack to look at the visitor. Thankfully, it wasn't Anji or someone equally annoying. It was that holy order guy, the cop, Mr. Ky Kiske. He appeared impatient as he kept tapping his foot.

"You ready to go, or have you forgotten what was going on again?" he said softly, almost a whisper.

"Don't know what you want, but I'm really not up to going somewhere with you. My legs are killing me."

"Well so are mine, but this concerns you. You told me so."

Before Baiken could tell him to leave her alone, she heard Anji's annoying voice singing an annoying song and dancing through the hallway with his annoying umbrella and his annoying fans.

"Actually, please, take me wherever you're going, as long as it's not this house." She proceeded to follow him out into the road where a white van was idling. She opened the passenger door and sat down, reaching for her seat belt when she noticed the driver. Faust, the demon doctor with his hands gripping the steering wheel at six and eleven. What the hell did he have to do with her? She couldn't think of anything to say to him but "They're supposed to be at ten and two, dumbass."

Faust tilted his head confused. "What do you mean?"

"Ten o' clock and two o' clock. It's how you're supposed to hold the steering wheel."

Faust just stared at her with a giant bubbly question mark floating above his head. Ky hopped into the back seat and Faust immediately pressed both feet down on the gas pedal. The van traveled about a hundred feet before he pounded on the brake in the same fashion as the gas pedal. Baiken grinded her teeth at the fact that this guy still had his license.

Soon after the van came to a stop, she realized why this 'concerned her,' as Ky had mentioned earlier. The van was parked directly in front of her house, which was coated in police tape. Baiken was now more baffled than ever, but before she could speak, Faust leaned over with his index finger pressed against his mouth under his paper bag. He seemed more serious than he usually was, so Baiken decided to listen to him and stay silent as Ky and two others in the back seat slid out of the back door without a sound and tiptoed up to her front door. She still lacked an explanation for what they were doing there and why they were being so suspiciously quiet. She could only look out the window and wait while the others snuck into her house, hopefully not stealing or destroying her valuables.

She turned and met Faust's paper bag again, with his finger still pressed against his mouth, but this time leaning towards her much closer as if he were about to pass out and fall on her left leg.

"Get the hell out of my face," she whispered, pushing against his forehead with her palm. He immediately sprang into his driving position with his hands at eight and twelve o' clock now. "Ten and two…" she mumbled, squeezing her right cheek against the cold glass window.


	4. Moment of Peace

**Chapter 4: Moment of Peace**

The van sped off behind her as Baiken stood staring at the exterior of stupid annoying Anji's house. Why was she even here? Why was she not at her own house? She lived just a block away, so why couldn't they just drop her off there? And who were 'they'? Why did she just leave a _van? _Who does she know that owns a van? And of all places to be dropped off instead of home, why was it Anji's house?

All these questions tore at her aching brain while she stood in place, perfectly still until the door opened and stupid annoying Anji appeared with his stupid annoying grin stretching across his stupid annoying face that he always got when he was done looking at himself naked in the mirror. How she knew about him doing that, no one knows, but that was most likely the reason she drinks so much: to forget about things like these.

Stupid annoying Anji.

"Baiken! It's good to see you back! Come on in and watch Project Runway with me," he giggled. Baiken spun a hundred eighty degrees on her left foot and began to walk away slowly in the direction of her house until she felt Anji's hands grip both her shoulders and spin her back around.

"I know where you think you're going, but you're staying with me for a few days," he smiled, tugging at Baiken's arm toward the house. If she had her right arm she'd punch him in the nose and backhand him across the cheek, then follow through with a roundhouse kick to the jaw. That would be sweet.

She sighed and allowed Anji to drag her into the house, her eye twitching and teeth grinding against each other. Oh, how she wished to do something gruesome to him. She sat down at the couch for three minutes listening to Anji giggle while watching whatever female oriented show he was watching before she kicked herself off the sofa and into the kitchen across the narrow hallway, rummaging through his cabinets for anything with alcohol in it. If she had to stay for more than ten minutes with this moron, she needed all the alcohol she could get. Hell, she'd accept mouthwash as a viable drink.

The first thing Baiken found that contained alcohol was a half empty bottle of vanilla extract. She whipped it from the cabinet, knocking over package of flour and slouched onto the floor. She hastily unscrewed the cap and chugged it in a little more than five seconds. She threw the empty glass bottle against the wall and shattered it into three large pieces with hundreds of tiny glass specs breaking off from each angle. She could still hear Anji giggling in the next room. She was clearly not drunk enough if this was possible. She stumbled to her feet and resumed her quest for booze. She opened the refrigerator but found nothing but cream soda and milk. He didn't even have any beer, that sissy.

With her hand steadying herself against a wall, she approached the bathroom and opened his medicine cabinet. She downed a small bottle of vitameatavegamin and finally started to feel slightly drunk. She could still barely hear stupid annoying Anji in the living room, but she was sick of searching, so this was enough. She waddled into Anji's bedroom and fell face first onto his bed. After a few minutes of struggling to breathe with her face muffled by the thick comforter, she rolled onto her back and felt something in her inside pocket jabbing at her ribs. She turned out the pocket and found a pen, which had been sticking outward, as well as a scrap of paper with the word 'search' written on it. She tossed both off the side of the bed and laid her head back on the butterfly shaped pillows.

"Stupih noying Angji," she slurred.


	5. That One Chapter Where Stuff Happens

**Chapter 5: That One Chapter Where Stuff Happens**

Baiken came to again when her head hit the pavement. Her eyes were closed, but she could feel Ky's overweight body stretched across her chest, and could feel a scrap of paper between her index and middle finger and a pen between her middle and fourth finger. She lifted the body off of her with her right knee and slid the pen and paper into her pocket. When she arose, she stared into a pair of eyes concealed by long, white hair, dangling within a foot of her face.

She recognized him. He was a hired assassin that only the richest snobs could afford. Moving her head back and fingering her sword at her waist, she was able to look past him at the unconscious—or dead bodies of Jam the cook, Slayer the nightwalker, and Faust the demon doctor, strewn about the alleyway randomly. If she was about to fight him, she knew he would be a tough opponent. From the looks of it, he was alone and this was all his handiwork. Sweat began to break at her forehead and she bit her lip. She wouldn't lose this battle.

As quickly as she could, she unsheathed her katana and swung it downwards upon the assassin's head, but he could foresee the attack through his thick hair and threw up his hands to block the sword with his invincible pool cue. Seeing through that hair and blocking a sword with a wooden stick. How does that make sense?

He pushed her off himself and thrust his stick forward with the intention of impalement, but she was quick and ducked underneath it. From there, Baiken kicked him in the shin and tripped him. She dashed backwards as he fell forward onto his face and once he hit the pavement, she thrust her sword downward into his back. He rolled to the side and the tip of the blade stuck itself into the ground. She yanked it out and dodged a pool cue swipe that could have beheaded her had it been a blade. At this point she gave up on trying to kill him and focused instead on disarming him.

The assassin continued swiping at her horizontally, pushing her backwards. She could see that his weakness was his lower half so she slid forward and grabbed his right ankle. She pulled to her right so that he once again fell on his side and from there he once again rolled to the side as if he predicted Baiken's next move would be to stab him like last time. Instead, as he pushed himself off the ground, she swiftly kicked upwards as high and as hard as she could and broke his left hand. He fell again on his back, but wouldn't let go of the cue. Instead, he twirled it like a propeller with his good hand as he rose up. He was indeed tough, but predictable, and his broken hand would most definitely help her.

Baiken started to swing her sword repeatedly around at him as if to hit the pool cue as it spun in his hand. As he concentrated on the movements of the katana, Baiken, for a third time, tripped him by sticking her foot behind his ankle and pulling back so that he fell on his back. To her luck, he held the cue in both hands and held them over his head as he fell. Baiken hopped and stomped on both hands with both her feet.

"Augh," he cried in a whisper. He loosened his grip on the stick with his right hand and let go of it entirely with his left. Baiken pushed it away from him with her katana like a hockey stick and it rolled down the alley until it stopped at Ky's body.

"Incompetent amateur," Baiken muttered, letting out a sigh and wiping her face with the back of her glove. She pointed her weapon at his naked chest as she still stood on his hands. "Venom, right?" she exhaled. "I doubt you'll answer me, but, who sent you?"

As she expected, he gave no response.

"You don't think I'll kill you, do you? Tsh. You haven't met me before." She twisted the blade as it stuck in his skin so that it slowly dug into his flesh and began to draw minuscule amounts of blood. He began to groan a bit.

"…That Man."

It wasn't Venom's voice that said it, though. Baiken turned her head to see Ky regaining consciousness and steadily sitting up. "No doubt it was That Man. Or one of his subordinates, more likely."

"Okay, but why? Who's he after and what's he want?"

"You," said Ky. "Because you killed I-no."

Baiken turned all the way around. She didn't fully think about what he just said. "Come again?"

"Well, you obviously don't remember because of the head injury. But yeah, you killed her. She's dead."

It took a while for her to think of a response, so she just laughed. She'd need to see the body to believe it. Even if I-no was dead for real, she had much reason to laugh and rejoice.

She could hear Ky walking around and waking the other three, so Baiken just looked down at the pitiful failure at her feet. What to do with him? She pulled him up to his feet and punched him in the nose as hard as she could so he hit his head against a brick wall, knocking him out. She dragged his limp body and pushed it into a dumpster with her shoulder muscles. She turned and waited for the holy cop to finish waking everyone up so she could find out where she was and why every one of them was there with her.

Ky scratched his head. "Well, we were originally driving you home, or rather your friend's house, but… things got complicated."

"Uh huh. Could you be more specific?"

Faust stepped forward, "Venom flipped the van over and tried to kill us. By the way, can I keep his body as a cadaver?"

"But he's not dead yet."

"Don't matter," he shrugged as he pulled Venom out of the dumpster and into the trunk of a white van flipped on it's side. He climbed on top of the van and opened the driver door upwards, strapped his seat belt on and turned on the ignition.

Don't ask me how they managed to flip the van back over on the correct side with Faust still inside. But the whole series is unrealistic, so there's a chance that a magical car-flipping fairy came and flipped it over for them so they could finally bring Baiken home and end the chapter.


End file.
